Cynthia (csakuras) wrote,

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Personal revelation

Secret #142 in today's fandomsecrets post made me realize some things.

One, that I am an introvert. I used to think that I was avoidant, but have since come to understand that my problems aren't that extreme. It's not that I have social anxiety or am afraid of interacting with people. I can interact with people just fine, I just don't like doing it too often and being with too many people at once is tiring. My issue with "confronting" people has more to do with guilt and laziness than self-consciousness.

This at least explains why I tend to become a hikikomori unless I have a reason to go outside, or someone encourages me to go out. And knowing that I'm not alone in this and that it's not unusual makes me feel less like a loser now. So I don't have to feel weird whenever I tell people that I don't like going to parties like most people my age do or that I make friends easier online than in real life.

It also occured to me that...Simon is an introvert too. That's how I've always pictured him at least and it's the main reason why I could relate to him. There are people who can't seem to get why he went off on his own in the end, like "how could he not be with his friends for so long unless it's because he's depressed and full of self-hate?" But I understand how he could be content with not having to constantly be in contact with the people he cares about, as long as he knows they're doing well. It's not that he intentionally isolates himself, it's just easier for him that way. Just having the company of one or two people at a time is enough, and in this case Boota counts as one.

This is probably why I felt so "squee!♥" when I read that Nia likes seeing Simon just quietly working on something. Gawd, I want someone like that. I want to find my Nia.

...Yeahhh I feel really geeky now having written that. "I want to find the Nia to my Simon." Pffft. Oh fandomsecrets, look what you made me do. It's not even exactly like that because Simon is also in many ways my ideal man. So WTF, self. :|

Unrelated, but I'm kinda considering applying to stoppedtrains. Maybe as Thoma from Fantastic Children. But my track record with staying in RPGs has still been poor so I'm not sure. The only one I've been keeping up with these days is gurrendressing, and that's just because it's crack and there's no committment (not to mention I've only been playing incidental characters so far). So...I'll keep thinking about it for a couple of weeks. Maybe rewatch some of Fantastic Children while I'm at it. It's not like anyone is going to claim Thoma before me, anyway.

EDIT: Actually, now that I think about it, most traveling types could be considered introverts. Kino? Yes, definitely. Ginko? He doesn't really travel by choice so it's hard to be sure, but probably. Medicine Seller? ...I have no idea.
Tags: fantastic children, gurren lagann, rpg

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