Cynthia (csakuras) wrote,

Itty bitty Freshman

I think I'm too used to disappointment. I just hate having to wait, feeling hopeful and doubtful and unsure and my feelings hanging on whether or not a person will care enough to remember me. I've had to do that most of my life when it comes to having friends, and even now I've never had a friend who I keep in contact with for more than a few years. So at every new turn of my life I'm left feeling alone. Sometimes I wonder whether it'll still be like that when I'm old.

...Anyway, Jennifer did eventually get to calling me. About half an hour after the time the movie night thing was supposed to start, so I was lying on my bed thinking angsty thoughts. After her call, I jump up to go wait for her to pick me up, and there I stand in the cold for a while waiting some more. It wasn't too bad except by now I am sick and tired of waiting. Of course, I say nothing to indicate this when they finally do come.

And I don't know why, but everyone I 'hang out' with so far is an upperclassman. Everyone was like 23 years and older. So I was the itty bitty Freshman. "You're our Freshman! :D" And all the people in the car were hardcore Christians and they talked about their faith and it felt a bit awkward, but interesting. We rented a movie, then arrived at the apartment. This was my first time seeing the CNU Village up close, so it was intimidating. Thankfully there were some people from the Anime Club that I recognized there as well (all of them upperclassmen), so I didn't feel completely left out, and Jennifer was nice to me.

The movie was good. Sci fi, horror, psychological stuff. An old movie, made in 1998, which didn't sound so old to me until I recalled that I was 10 years old in 1998. So of course I hadn't heard of it. After the movie was over, everyone was just talking and Jennifer went into another room to have a Serious Religious Discussion with another girl, so I was left standing there awkwardly wondering how to get out because it was getting late because I didn't know the way out because I'd never been there before because I'm just an itty bitty Freshman who doesn't know anything! (Yay run-on sentence.)

After a while I followed everyone out of the apartment and one of the people I know from Anime Club gave me a ride back to campus. She was the one who also gave me a ride to Nekocon before and I wish I could remember her name because I owe at least that much to her. But yeah.....I'm not sure whether the whole night has me feeling better or worse now. But it was an experience, and ultimately that is one of the things I came to college for.

EDIT: I wouldn't mind the chapter coming out now, actually. Even if I don't have time, I need something to cheer up and distract me. :/ And I'd like something to talk with people about at least.
Tags: college, friends, real life

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