May 7th, 2008

Peaceful

Some thoughts

I know I'm not stupid. I am talented in a few things. I'm a decent writer. I'm fairly fluent in Japanese, most of it self-taught. I have a healthy imagination. So maybe my problem is that I'm not putting ANY of those things to use in college right now.

I know my faults. I am lazy, apathetic, a constant procrastinator, and have trouble finding motivation to do things I don't care for. This is why I'm failing at college.

On the other hand, I find that the things I do care for and put a lot of effort into are all creative things. Things that have nothing to do with my current curriculum. Why aren't I studying Japanese? Why aren't I writing? Why can't I just combine those two talents and do something useful with them?

This thought was inspired by me attempting to translate my own fanfic into Japanese last night and realizing that, with practice and more study, I could probably be a decent writer in that language too. And goddamn, was it FUN. Now I want to translate my own novel into Japanese so I could show it to my relatives. This is something I could feel motivated for.

I've been doing things all wrong. I should have gone to George Mason instead. I should have majored in Japanese. I could have been working my way into becoming a bilingual writer instead of wallowing in self-hate like I am now. Why did I have to realize this SO LATE?

EDIT: Answer to my own question- because when I got out of high school, my Japanese wasn't quite as good as it is now, and I wouldn't have had the confidence to even consider this route. I could only have realized it after these past few years of studying it on my own. GODDAMMIT. At least I know that time wasn't a total waste.

EDIT 2: I know, there are tons of things in life I don't care for that I have to do. But my question is, why do I have to do these things if they're not taking me anywhere that I want to go? I know I have to have a way to support myself and that it's not guaranteed that my writing will ever be successful, but if I'm not working towards the things I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE then what's the point of living at all? Life is short. I want to make use of it.

EDIT 3: tl;dr- I SHOULD HAVE MAJORED IN JAPANESE. People ask me what I plan to do with a Sociology major. I answer that I have no idea. At least with Japanese I'd be able to say something!!
Facepalm

I need to rant some more

This is just...ridiculous.

You know how I was looking forward to this Anthropology class, Health and Healing? Well, it turned out to be one of the worst classes I've been in thanks to the professor. At first she seemed cool. She was from Egypt, and had some interesting stories to tell us in the first class. But by the second week of the semester, it became apparent that as a teacher, she was...pretty incompetent.

It's like she has no sense of organization. On the second week of class, she told us that for the rest of the semester, we'd be having discussion groups on chapters of the books we'd been assigned, which was rather different from what was on the syllabus. And she just left it to us to organize the whole thing, get into groups, etc. The whole class was just confused and in chaos for a while until some people with leadership skills helped get it together.

So for most of the semester, we had discussion groups. That's all we did. The good thing was that it became one of my stress-free classes since there were no tests, and since it also quickly became apparent to us that the professor SUCKED at lecturing, it was more beneficial overall to be learning this stuff on our own.

However, now, at the very end of the semester, she goes and tells us that our final paper is going to be FIFTY PERCENT OF OUR ENTIRE GRADE. And why's that? Because the entire class failed the ONLY quiz we had the entire semester (which was only one question and on the second day of class), and she didn't consider the discussion groups as something she could base our grades on.

DUDE, IT'S YOUR FAULT YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO GRADE US ON. We've been teaching ourselves here! All you did during the discussion groups was munch on a sandwich and interrupt us every now and then with some comment. And now I'm stuck on writing this paper (that is, again, FIFTY PERCENT OF MY GRADE) because I don't understand the material enough to be able to write over six pages on it. AND I HAVE TO FINISH IT TONIGHT.

EDIT: Oh, and by the way, we only just decided on what the final would be like on Monday. For over a week the entire class was boycotting having the final at all because it was SO ridiculously difficult considering she didn't teach us all that much to begin with, and this is how we compromised.

EDIT 2: I've also heard rumors that this professor is going to be fired. Well, good riddance. But now that Dr. Griffin has resigned from teaching, that means the Anthropology department now only has one professor teaching. And I've already taken all but one of her classes. HOW EXACTLY AM I SUPPOSED TO GET THIS MAJOR NOW?

EDIT 3: I forgot to mention that one of the books we were assigned didn't have much to do with the subject of the class anyway. For a few weeks we were stuck repetitively discussing a historical ethnography of colonial Sudan. Which also has nothing to do with what the final is about.